Two weeks from today we celebrate Thanksgiving Day. For many people, it is a time to gather joyfully with family and friends to thank the Good Lord for all His gifts to us throughout the year. Sadly, however, while many people look forward to Thanksgiving Day and other holidays, others dread them because they will be with people who use the opportunity to insult them, especially their religious beliefs. I have had no shortage of people over the years asking me for advice on how to deal with these difficult situations so they can enjoy being with their families for the holidays. I think that, too often, we feel our only recourse is to just bear it and offer it up to Jesus. There are, however, some practical steps we can take to diffuse these toxic situations that I’d like to recommend to you. I will warn you, however, that they will require you to be strong and firm in what you say to people.

First of all, remember that a host or hostess is obliged to make sure their guests feel welcome at any event they are hosting. They will certainly make sure they don’t serve any food the person cannot or will not eat and will accommodate their needs, even if they don’t agree with their feelings (such as vegans). Similarly, they have an obligation to make sure no one makes you unduly uncomfortable by their conversation. There is an old adage that says that two topics which should never be discussed at social gatherings are religion and politics. That should always be honored unless it is absolutely clear that everyone at the table holds the same beliefs.

Before you attend the dinner, have a serious conversation with your spouse or other family members who will be attending with you, especially if the antagonizing will be done by a member of your spouse’s family. Let them know clearly how uncomfortable it makes you when they attack your faith and that you would appreciate their support. Going into the meal with some allies is always a benefit.

If you are the host for Thanksgiving dinner and someone brings up a topic that is upsetting one of your guests, it is your duty to quickly change the subject. If you can do it discreetly, maybe by asking if anyone saw the latest movie you loved or some other sleight of hand conversational trick, by all means do so! Sometimes, however, we may have to be blunt and simply say “I think we need to change the subject here.” And certainly, the host or hostess should NEVER be the one to make a guest feel uncomfortable by initiating the insults. It is actually rude and inconsiderate for anyone to force you to have to sit there and listen to people berating the Church, Jesus, your beliefs or practices, whatever the case may be. That is hardly good manners, and all of us have an obligation in charity to release other guests from being put in such a painful situation.

If the conversation doesn’t end with these actions, state very bluntly to the other person, “Excuse me, but did I come here and start attacking your beliefs? I am offended by what you are saying and I am asking you to stop.” Hopefully, someone else will step in and say, “Yes, let’s change the topic, shall we?” That should be a clear indication to the offending person that they are out of line and need to stop right away.

If you are a fellow guest and the host does not change the subject, say a quick prayer and ask the Lord to strengthen you to do so. It is not easy, but again it is our duty in charity. If the subject will not change, by all means defend the faith and take one on the chin for Jesus, remembering that He said “blessed are you when they insult you and hate you on account of me; your reward in heaven will be great!” (Matt 5:11-12.)

Finally, for those of you who have no such problems at family gatherings, thank the Lord that your family has been spared this horrible miscarriage of justice that turns what should be a celebration into a nightmare. Maybe even include the harmony in your family in your grace before meals, remembering that not everyone is so blessed. In all things, however, I pray that Thanksgiving Day will be a wonderful day of celebration of all God’s gifts to us. Happy Thanksgiving!